A Day In The Life
by Indiostar
Summary: A oneshot that follows a normal day with Tsunade. Conceived while I was writing the latest chapter for Tricked Into Love. Borderline M for Tsunade's naughty language. Reviews are greatly appreciated!


**Hello all. **

**Just an oneshot cuz I'm getting tired of writing the next chapter for Tricked into Love. It's gonna be the last chapter so I'm making absolutely sure that it ends the way I want it to. Inspiration is failing me. Miserably. So this is the child of that lack of inspiration. Kinda backwards, isn't it? Let's get started, ja?**

**Don't own Naruto. Don't know why I even have to state the obvious but whatever.**

"Damn! Baby got back!" I heard someone yell from behind me, but chose to be the bigger person and simply aim an unfriendly finger at him instead of drilling a hole through his skull with my heels, which I was perfectly capable of doing mind you. I've gained a certain tolerance to pigs, and chose to take it all out on the biggest one in the entire shinobi world, who was coincidently my teammate. Whoever put together these groups was a perfect douche. It's like they took all the kids that they _knew_ would act like total retards with each other and grouped them together. Douchey thing to do, right? And I'm almost absolutely positive that our group has to be the biggest group of misfits to ever be called great. Oh the irony.

Anyways, I'm on my way to the training grounds right now. Sensei is making us practice on the one day off because like all the other elders, he, too, is a douche bag. Am I using the word douche too much? No, it's a perfectly acceptable insult to people that act like total dic-

"Hime!"

Oh Gawd. I know that voice. Maybe if I don't turn around and pretend I didn't hear him I'll be able to blend into the crowd and lose him.

"Tsunade, hold up, will ya'?"

FML.

Jiraiya, my sad excuse for a teammate, was at the moment managing to shove every old person and pregnant woman to the ground without even realizing it as he barreled towards me. He stood a good head above even the tallest of men so it was hard to miss him. Add in the wild mane of white hair, brightly colored robes, and overall clumsiness, you a giant idiot who somehow ends up in literally _every_ girl's _and_ her mother's panties. I don't say bed because I'm absolutely sure he's banged girls in every possible place he could, including our sensei's office, disturbingly enough. I can never look at the old wooden desk the same way again after what I've seen.

Cue in the punch to the gut in five, four, three, two-

"Ugh!" he grunted as my fist made contact with his unprepared stomach. He toppled to the ground and curled up in a ball, right then and there, the entire street witnessing how he just got his ass handed to him by a tiny blonde girl who barely reaches his shoulders. Pathetic.

I stepped on his shoulder and dug my heel into his shaking figure. "Don't make me tell you again. You DO NOT shout my name out and come running after me in public, got it Baka ne? People might start to associate me with you," I seethed as he attempted to catch his breath. He nodded weakly and tried to squeak out an apology, but was unable to make a sound. I took my foot off and dragged him up with my abnormal strength. Heaven forbid anyone try to lift his fat ass up off the ground without my strength, they'd throw their back out.

He leaned over and began to cough until he regained his breath. He looked up at me, cringing. "Jeez Hime. You wonder why you can't get a man too! I'm the only guy who's not scared shitless of you! Not to mention you act like a total menopausal bitch to everyone."

And this earned him a punch to the back of the head. God, doesn't he ever learn? I walked ahead, hearing the shuffle of his shoes as he followed behind me like my little bitch, which he essentially was anyways. We made it to the training grounds with considerably little beatings and met up with our sensei and strange, anemic teammate. I always wonder if he's in actuality an albino. Maybe he just wears makeup. I mean, he's a creep and all but he acts more feminine than me! Maybe I'll freak Jiraiya out one day by telling him Orochimaru wants to get in his pants. Yeah, that'd definitely make him puke.

Sarutobitch-sensei gave us the normal routine. Fight it out, fix up Jiraiya when he eventually does something stupid enough to hurt himself, and yell at Orochimaru for being a rapist. Why did I even bother coming today? Oh, right. Cuz I didn't want to put up with Sensei's BS again. Hence the nickname that I know him by.

"Hime!" I whipped my head around, not realizing that Orochimaru was coming straight at me with a killing intent while I was busy staring off into space. Jiraiya flashed in front of me with unnatural speed and blocked the kunai with his armguard. Orochimaru growled at him, pushing against him as they exchanged heated glares. I could just stand there stupidly, still trying to process what was happening. Did Orochimaru really try to kill me? No, he couldn't have… could he?

"That's a poisoned knife you asshole," Jiraiya growled angrily and kept his ground. A sickening smile split the pale face in half and his long tongue slithered its way out of his mouth and around Jiraiya's arm.

"And what if it is?" he drawled menacingly. Jiraiya ground his teeth together and a deep rumble could be heard in the back of his throat.

"You bastard!" he yelled and delivered a shattering punch to Orochimaru's jaw, sending him flying backwards. Jiraiya was breathing heavily, angrily, still standing protectively in front of me. I laid a hand on his back and felt him tense. "He was trying to kill you," he said in a low voice. "Come on Hime, let's go. Sensei's left already anyways."

I was too shocked to speak. It's not every day one of the people that you hold close tries to kill you, unless your name is Tsunade, that is. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me back to town, leaving Orochimaru behind on the floor. I had a hard time keeping up with his long strides, since my legs weren't five feet long like his. He stopped suddenly in the middle of a busy street and let go of my.

"Sorry about that Hime," he grumbled and turned to look down at me.

"What are you sorry about you big idiot?" I asked in confusion. He looked taken back, like he was expecting me to yell and scream and break things. Now why would he think someone as peaceful and cool headed as me would do such a thing? "I should be thanking you," I explained upon seeing that he was still obviously lost. Could one person really be that dense? Well, this is Jiraiya we're talking about.

"I thought you'd be angry," he said with a blank expression. I rolled my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"You just saved my life from that creepy rapist of a teammate we have! Why the hell would I be mad at you?"

He continued to stare blankly at me, blinking every now and then like a complete dunce. "Oh, well that was nothing. I thought you were mad cuz I dragged you through town and you insist on not being associated with someone like me," he said with a slightly hurt voice. I felt guilty all of a sudden, but proud at the same time that the things I tell him actually seem to stick with him. Points for memory. Maybe I won't tell him Orochimaru has wet dreams about him after all.

"Thank you Baka-kun," I said with a shake of my head. "I'm not mad at you at all."

That stupid smile that I knew so well spread across his face and he puffed his chest out. "No problem Hime! You know you can always count on me to have your back! Especially when creepers come up from behind you, cuz heaven forbid you get raped. Though I can't really blame them since you have a delicious piece of-"

"Don't push it Jiraiya," I warned, but decided I would let him off the hook just this one time. He slapped a hand to his mouth and looked at me with apologetic black eyes. I laughed quietly at his antics and waved a dismissive hand.

"So, you're going to buy me some ramen now, right?" I said as more of a command than a question.

"What? Don't you owe me for saving you?" he complained. I know he's going to pay for me though, just because I know deep inside behind the pimp façade he's actually quite the gentleman. That is, if you put up with his shit long enough. Like I have a choice.

"No, I think you owe me for not beating you for that earlier retort about my ass," I countered with a raised brow.

"Touché," he piped as we began to walk to the ramen stand.

Kami, my life is a mess. But it's my mess I guess.

**That was more fun than I thought it would be. Maybe I should have made an extra warning for bad language. **

**Nah it's okay.**

**Thanks for reading! Reviews not necessary but greatly appreciated! Have a nice day… or night.**


End file.
